Take Two

I released ALPHA : VULTURE in December 2020 and the reaction to the book was amazing. To be honest it took me a little by surprise and I whilst I was well underway with writing the follow up I became unwell.

No, not Covid or anything like that. My mental health took a nose dive. I got prescribed Quetiapine (which is an antipsychotic medication often used in the treatment of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder) and I was still taking my 200mg of Sertraline (type of antidepressant used to treat OCD), couple that with lockdown, having to close my business, home schooling kids and all the other daily stresses that come with suddenly having zero income and a mountain of debt to sort out, I was no doubt due some kind of mental breakdown. I then found out that, because of lockdown the MH teams in Southampton were not taking on any new patients and to get seen I would first have to book an appointment with a mental health nurse who would then assess me and add me to the ever growing list for help if she deemed it necessary.

I declined the offer and focused on trying to get myself better. The inevitable lack of exercise, weight gain and excessive consumption of alcohol soon followed and this did nothing to help me improve my mental state.

Go Back 10 Years

I used to addictively self-harm and have suicidal tendencies / fantasies. This was who I was, but as anyone with a former addiction knows, that temptation is still lurking somewhere in the back of your mind. I never got treatment for my self-harm as, at the time, it was considered a past time for moody goth girls who would 'scratch themselves whilst listening to Marilyn Manson' and because of this the temptation is still so strong. If I have cut or not over the past couple of years isn't relevant right now but, I'm still alive and to be honest, that is what's most important.

So, after the release of A:V I was primed and ready to launch the follow ups; A:I (ALPHA : IMPOSTURE) and A:C (ALPHA : CAPTURE) but all that mental illness stuff happened.

As I type this now it is June 6th and I am about 4 months behind where I want to be. 4 months in which I feel I've lost all momentum BUT NOT motivation.

Now I feel like I'm coming back up from my low mood* I can focus on getting my writing back to where it needs to be and introduce you all to the various worlds that live inside my head.